By guest blogger Nicol Whalen
It was just about a year ago that I felt like the bottom dropped out of life. Things were in a pretty dark place at home. We were struggling with stress, anxiety, depression, financial concerns and, still being an Arizona girl at heart, the darkness of winter is always pretty hard for me. Then COVID brought a whole new layer of worry with school buildings closing, offices closing and the world feeling upside-down. And in April I was laid off from my job. It was a complete shock and I was totally devastated.
The place where I had worked for over 20 years was just suddenly gone. I really enjoyed my work, I worked with some great people and I was grateful to have a job. Our identities are so tied up in our work and, without it, I felt lost. The grief and shame that comes from losing your job is real. I was sad, angry, frustrated and scared. I couldn’t see my way forward. All we could do was take one day at a time, trying to gain insight and strength as we figured out what would come next.
This past year has been hard, but I am here and I am actually ok. My family is healthy, my marriage is stronger, my kids are amazing and resilient, and I turned 50 (holy crap). There is no way that we could have done this without an incredible amount of support and I am truly grateful for the friends and family who have been there through this past year.
Eye Opening Experience
One piece that hasn’t fallen into place is a job. I’ve applied, interviewed and received “no thanks” responses, or just no response at all. One decline came with an offer to join their Board of Directors, which was good I guess. Another one seemed to be the perfect fit, but they hired an internal candidate.
After being the recruiter for so many years, it’s eye-opening to be the candidate. And the reports of how more women have been impacted by unemployment and how much harder it is to find work when you’ve had a long break in service, makes the process quite daunting. My focus has been on nonprofits and organizations that value a strong culture and prioritize people.
With all the chaos created by the pandemic, I have been looking for a role where I could help address issues highlighted in the past year…childcare, education, housing, healthcare, food insecurity. While this doesn’t necessarily fit my professional experience, it is where I have dedicated my volunteer time and focused on community service. Ideally, I would hope to find something that is connected to strengthening my Vermont community. Maybe that is all too much to hope for, but I am still hopeful. The search continues.
The Importance of Woments!
So, all of that is to say, it has been a tough year, but I am here. I keep learning a lot along the way — about myself, about my family, about shame and resilience (thanks Brene Brown), about love and forgiveness, about the impact of mindfulness and meditation, about the importance of Woments (thanks Christine and Lara) and quite a bit about plaster and painting and plumbing.
A wide range of good and important stuff. With spring’s arrival and the vaccine coming (already got mine), I am truly hopeful about what is still to come. At times it even feels like the best is yet to come, which is a pretty amazing feeling. One year ago, I just couldn’t see ahead to this day or this feeling. I am forever grateful that I am where I am today.
Guest Blogger, Nicol Whalen
